Drowning Slowly
by Jing Mei Chen
Summary: *sensitive subject matter* Luka's there in Abby's time of need


6 a.m. day after Christmas  
I throw some clothes on in the dark  
The smell of cold  
Car seat is freezing  
The world is sleeping  
I am numb  
  
  
He pulled the car to the front of the apartment  
  
She opened the car door and slowly slid into the passanger's seat  
  
"Hi"  
  
She blinked,holding her purse tighter against her chest  
  
"You okay?" he started the car and turned on the small heater  
  
She turned her head and stared sadly out the window, darting her eyes   
from anyone who dared to look back at her  
**********************  
Up the stairs to her apartment  
She is balled up on the couch  
He mom and dad  
Went down to Charlotte  
They're not home to find us out  
**********************  
"Abby Lockhart?"  
  
The magazine lay on his knees open, unread  
  
"I'll be back" she stood up shakily  
  
He hated the color of the clinic. Mint green. He didn't have to be   
here. He really didn't want to be, in a room filled with sadness and   
regret. But she needed him  
  
"Do you need anything..after?"  
  
She shook her head, her eyes on the nurse, like the nurse was on fire  
  
"I'll be fine"  
  
He had never seen her so weak  
******************************  
And we drive  
Now that I have found someone  
I'm feeling more alone  
Than I ever have before  
******************************  
His eyes darted up to the clock every 5 minutes  
  
Waiting  
  
He nearly jumped out of his skin when the door opened  
  
"Dr.Kovac" the nurse's face was void of emotion,"She's asking for you"  
******************************  
"Abby?" he poked his head into the room  
  
She lay on her side, her back facing him  
  
"Are you okay?"  
  
She lay so still  
  
Luka reached out and touched her back lightly, surprised by the   
coolness of her skin."Abby, you don't want to do this, do you?"  
  
Abby closed her eyes, tears racing down her cheeks  
***********************  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
Off the coast and I'm heading nowhere  
She's a brick and I'm drowning slowly  
***********************  
He leaned against the exam room wall,watching the nurses and doctor   
wheel in the cold metal machines that looked like monsters  
  
"Abby?"  
  
Luka held the phone up to his ear, his sadness turning into rage when   
he recognized the voice.Carter  
  
"We could go to dinner, or I could come over later," he said, half   
hopeful, half apologetic, until his tone completely changed into an   
emotional apology. "I'm sorry, Abby, I just can't be a dad right now,   
I'm not like Luka," he said almost without thinking, knowing the   
statement just made things worse. Her silence proved that theory   
right. "Say something, please."  
  
Luka slammed the phone closed, breathing heavily  
**************************  
Can't you see  
It's not me you're dying for  
And now she's feeling more alone  
Than she ever has before  
***************************  
The door opened a crack  
  
He could hear her whimpering  
  
"Dr.Kovac?"  
  
Luka nodded, following the nurse back into the room  
  
The nurse showed Luka to the chair they had placed beside the exam   
table  
  
He held her limp hand in his,stroked her damp hair with his other   
hand as she cried. Abby cried openly in front of him  
*************************  
As weeks went by  
It showed that she was not fine  
****************************  
She was dying  
  
Punishment for what she had done  
  
It was the only answer. The only sensible answer for it  
  
The pain  
  
God was punishing her  
  
Abby clutched her stomach,feeling empty as Luka slowly pushed her in   
the wheelchair to his car  
  
Her whole inside was knots, pain shooting up and down her legs  
  
It was like dying  
  
Luka opened her door and touched her arm lightly, like she would fall   
apart."Can you walk?"  
  
Her body was turning on her  
  
Her body and God  
  
Luka bent down and wrapped her arms around his neck,lifting her in   
his arms  
  
Like they were newlyweds  
*************************  
They told me "Son,  
It's time to tell the truth" and  
She broke down  
And I broke down  
'Cause I was tired...  
Of lying  
************************  
She had moved on.  
  
He had been broken hearted,living in an apartment with two ghosts  
  
Her and his wife  
  
Luka looked at her sadly out of the corner of his eye as he drove  
******************  
Driving back to her apartment  
For the moment we're alone  
Yeah, she's alone  
And I'm alone  
Now I now it  
*****************  
She closed her eyes and tried to will the cramps away as he smoothed   
the sheets  
  
Between her legs were stained with blood  
  
Luka pulled the quilt over her shoulders."Abby?"  
  
"Can you lie with me?" her voice quivered  
  
His brow wrinkled  
  
"Turn off the light first.." 


End file.
